id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
