Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
