How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
