this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
