i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
