C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize