wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
