I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
