I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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