The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
