quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
