if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
