hotel room ftw
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
