If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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