I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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