Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
