Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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