so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
