I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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