Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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