Acid is not a monday night drug
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize
