i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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