I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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