dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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