You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
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Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
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But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
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