yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
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