I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Randomize
