He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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