are you so shy because you have an std?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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