Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Randomize
