gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize