just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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