I'm really into asian looking animals
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
