Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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