my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
