And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
