So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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