so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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