guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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