So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
