I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
