A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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