I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
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When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
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next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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