Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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