We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
