the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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