I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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