They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
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