You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
