glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
we made out on top of his cat.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
