She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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