She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
All I want is dick and wine.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
