How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Randomize
