i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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