He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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