So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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