My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
