I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize