Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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