Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
