I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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