Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
