Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
