So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
