i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
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She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
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Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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